Read this disclaimer first!!
Monday, May. 05, 2003 - 3:45 p.m.
Choice

I was the guy in this entry. Read it, it doesn't take long.

I know that strange guys should talk to strange women, even in so-called meeting places like bars. It took six pints of Kilkenny and a lot of urging from a friend (that I met for the first time an hour earlier).

When I first noticed the girl, I was attracted to her back (that's all I could see anyway). It was mostly uncovered. Her jeans were so low cut I could just see the top of her asscrack. It became a topic of conversation. But I wasn't particularly interested in her, because she looked as though she were in CEGEP (or grade 12 for non-Quebec Canadians, or the 12th grade for Americans) and because I don't trust girls that wear such revealing clothing. One reason is, well, I'll get to that.

At some point she got up to go somewhere, and returned to her seat. This time she was sitting there with her jeans even lower and her sexy black thing even higher.

I always wonder about that. Yes, I know it's the fashion right now for a girl's thong underwear to show. Yes, I'm sure it makes her feel attractive, and she likes the feel/wear/whatever of it. But the fact is, it's an attention-getter. In almost any place you go, that combination will get you attention, some of it unwanted.

I really wanted to ask her why we wanted her thong to show like that, because to me it's like me stuffing my pants and wearing no shirt and supertight leather pants. Very poserish, but attention-grabbing. After much prodding, I did.

First I asked if they speak English or French. English. Then I simply asked the question. She didn't mean to have her underwear showing at all. So I said, "Oh! Well just thought that you should know." She thanked me. Told aporetic the answer and that was that. We forgot about it and talked about something else.

But they weren't finished with it. They made a big production of switching seats so that I couldn't get a glimpse of her asscrack anymore. When I didn't take the bait, she came over to our table and started telling us off, saying that if she wanted to wear a thong and get laid that it's her business, and saying the word "prerogative". A lot.

I never said that anything she does was my business. I just wanted to know why she chose (as I saw it) to wear what she was wearing the way she was wearing it. I never said that she was a slut, or even implied it. I was very respectful.

What if, as aporetic said, a guy she was interested in? Or what if I complimented her on the curve in her back? Or what if I asked her if she feels that Toronto is a safe place right now? I guess it would not have been an issue.

You might say that because I was a man asking about her underwear that I came off as creepy, and she may have felt threatened. One: she didn't feel too threatened when she came back to my table and started saying "prerogative". Two: if what I did was so bad, wasn't the fact the I could see her asscrack a problem? If I didn't want to see it, should I have had to put up with it? Maybe she should have done something about it, rather than me move. Three: If she didn't want any attention, she should not have been in a public place wearing something that is guaranteed to get attention, possibly unwanted. She could have just said that it wasn't any of her business. If I went away right then, no harm done. If I persisted, then it could be construed as harassment.

I know that someone will read this and automatically say that I must then believe that it is a woman's fault if she is wearing a sexy outfit and gets raped. I am not saying or believe that at all. Asking one simple question and not getting an answer is a far cry from rape. I can go into a public place and talk to anyone I want to, and if I continue to talk to someone in this public place after they make it clear I am not wanted, then it might be harassment, and there is staff to assist you. It doesn't make too much sense to go into a bar and expect no one to interact with you, or for only certain people to interact with you. If a woman wears a sexy outfit and is propositioned and says no, THEN further sexual pressure is harassment, or worse.

Today's question: If I go up to a random woman and ask for sex (Hi, would you like to have sex with me in the near future?) and she says no, is that harassment of any kind?

1 scrawls at the end of this hall

The look:
The feel:
The taste:
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