Read this disclaimer first!!
Sunday, Apr. 07, 2002 - 7:54 p.m.
I'M ANGRY!

Right, right, so I was talking about being in a foul mood. I think it has to do with a couple of things, but I can't exactly say what the problem is, but I'll try.

a) I don't know why the fact that nothing is or should be happening with R is bothering me so much. Last night sucked. Nothing went right at all. I had planned on taking her to Amelio's for dinner. I was looking forward to the white pizza there, its delicious. I didn't count on it there being a lineup out-fucking-side. I can't stand lines. I suggested St. Laurent.

We ended up trying to decide between Red Thai, Shed Cafe and Bi�res et Compagnie, we tried Shed. (Red Thai was far too expensive.) It was a really bad move. It was too loud even for me, and it was far too much for her sensitive ears. We ordered, butby then I felt like such a complete fucking idiot I was prepared to pay for the meal anyway even though we wouldn't stay to eat it. The manager was really good about it, though, and I simply gave him $10 for his trouble. I'm never going back there again.

We then tried Bi�res et Compagnie. It was quieter, but they had practically no vegetarian menu for R. Fuckup #3 for the evening. Luckily she found something she liked. I was lucky.

R is so SMART! I really like talking to her. She is patient, kind, intelligent, beautiful and far too busy for the next 6 weeks for likes of me. And I understand that. If I were moving to another country and had to change over everything, had two weeks to finish my thesis in California and four to prep for a talk in Banff, I would be too busy to go out with anyone. But then again, you need a guide, right?

I am used to a certain amount of instant gratification. It's just been that way with me. My goal is never to have any sort of sexual contact initially, but you have to admit that if it happens that it is often a good sign that there is interest in you. Sure, it could be just the sex that interests her, but that is normally made pretty obvious within a few days if not a few hours. I guess I'm not used to waiting to see if someone likes me in that way, and that frustrates me, gets me down. Time to grow up.

b) All of my attempts to find housing have failed. I had an awful day trying to find anything that wasn't taken already. It's all crap. Thankfully, R called me today with a lead, and it turned out to be a really good lead. Right in the heart of Concordia's downtown campus is a 3 and a half going for $400. Wow. It's not bad, either. But it is a basement apartment, and it isn't anywhere near as good as S's place. I am going to try to get something else in the building or surrounding buildings. If I can get that place for $400, imagine what I could get for $500!

The thing that got me so down was the fact that I will have to leave here. That is such an incredible sad thought I can't even express it. R thought I was insane to leave. *e* probably thinks the same. Fuck. And the worst of it is that it is going to go to fucking strangers.

a) and b) combined to make life pretty shitty for a few hours today. But I am feeling pretty good now. I even got my work finished.

Well, no big signoff. I'm just going now.

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