Read this disclaimer first!!
Tuesday, Apr. 30, 2002 - 10:39 a.m.
Thinking of R

I got an email from R yesterday. It had nothing to do with me, really. Her friend was wondering if I were still interested in her place. I emailed the friend, then emailed R. She actually emailed back later the same day. Did I ever mention that she is brilliant? She looks like a young Goldie Hawn, has Meg Ryan hair, has an incredible accent, shares my humour, does math, is not a neat freak, is 30 years old. I emailed back with an update on my life, leaving out details regarding she-who-I-cannot-name-or-discuss-here-at-this-time.

<fantasy>

She gave me her new number. We saw an movie with English subtitles one night; we ate at a vegetarian restaurant another night; we strolled around downtown a third night. Each time was better than the last.

Today R is wearing a short skirt. This time we are at Cinema du Parc watching a boring movie. We're at the back of the theatre, with hardly anyone around us, let alone in the theatre. We were talking about something. She hung on my every word and LISTENED. I love the way she looks at me. Beautiful elfin eyes. I take her hand in mine, feeling evvery detail of every finger with my left hand. Then I kiss the palm, the back and each finger, finally setting her hand on my face. The caress of her hand on my face is divine. I nearly drown in it. And then she kisses me.

As much as I love this, I know that I shouldn't do it. My brain orders my hands, arms, and lips to recoil, but they are in full rebellion. It physically hurts; rejecting this attention that I wanted so much. Nerves in my head, face, arms, stomach all overstimulated by conflict. Finally, the brain establishes order, and I let go of her. I think it only lasts a couple of seconds.

"Why couldn't you have done this three weeks ago?" I ask too softly to hear.

But R lipreads. It's one of her talents. Then I have to explain myself. My heart and mouth are opposing me now; I don't want to tell her that in three weeks I have found someone else. But I know the perils of being interested in two women at the same time without completely setting one loose.

This is pain.

</fantasy>

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The look:
The feel:
The taste:
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