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Tuesday, Oct. 15, 2002 - 4:45 p.m.
Love and marriage

I got an email from an old friend. The subject line was "'nother one bites the dust." The body consisted of three words:

"I'm getting married."

I responded:

"Another one bites the dust? No kidding."

I guess I just guaranteed that I am not going to be invited to the wedding.

Am I the only one that does not feel happy when people are getting married? I don't think I have ever been happy, except maybe for one of my sisters, and that was only because I knew I got to wear a tuxedo. (I caught her garter, and left in the rental suit. What does that mean?) Another time was with my friend Matt and his now-wife Anne-Marie. The best I have been able to muster in every other occasion is disinterest, with occasionally a feeling of "too bad for you" that I manage to keep to myself. I generally don't care if people get married. Weddings seem very much like Christmas: commercialized and meaningless. I would rather not be involved in them, unless perhaps I am invited as a guest of a guest, and even then, I can think of about 10000 things I'd rather be doing.

It could be because I live in Quebec, where marriage seems more likely to happen after 3 kids and 17 years together (i.e., when you can afford it). I am currently having trouble knowing why non-malicious people do it at all.

My friend lives out in Edmonton, and I haven't seen her in 5-6 years. I definitely have not met her fianc�. I have not seen them evolve together, and I cannot assess whether or not it is actually a good thing. Now I'm not actually worried; she is one of the smartest people I know, emotionally and otherwise. But she is now going to be part of this two-person unit forever, but I don't know anything about this other half. I never got to know him, so somehow it seems as though I know her less. Does that make sense?

When I was visiting my parents, I was told that another old friend from Brockville had gotten married in August. I heard a lot about this woman. They are both teachers, just like my sister and her husband. This woman is just great, I guess, everyone is raving about her. It surprises me a little, since he had a history of dating stupid people. In fact, the last time I spoke with him, he was sleeping with our former teacher's daughter while dating someone else, maybe her.

I don't know. I think I'm feeling pressure to get married that doesn't exist. Soon I will be the only one, and I will have to hang out with people 10-15 years younger than me, or marry someone I don't want to marry. Something about that doesn't seem fair.

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