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2001-11-28 - 11:30 p.m.
Ramble On

***RAMBLING THOUGHTS ALERT***

The following passage is not expected to be understood by anyone but the author and only at the time of the writing.

You know, it's funny the way that things seem to unfold in life. They say that young people think they know everything and are unstoppable, then adults are running things for a while and at some point they realize that they know very little. Seniors...well who really knows that they think? No one really talks to senior citizens, not the types of conversations you would have with younger adults (30-45). But then again, maybe that's just me. My exposure to senior citizens was during my time as a paper boy. Buell House was an apartment for seniors. I never really talked to them, though. I was 10.

It's hard to find many young people (16-21, I think) that don't believe that the establishment is all bad and must be destroyed. Ones who believe that they have the right to do anything they want to at any time. It's like a formula, life. When I was young, I went through it (although admittedly not that much, not a much as others I knew). Now at 27, I am going through an "early adult crisis" that everyone else older than me seems to know about. S knows. JAW knows. Chris is going through it now. (we are the same age, almost to the day). Christine did and does what she has to do (if anyone handled it better than her, I'd like to meet them. If anyone handles anything better than her I'd like to meet them). I'll probably have a midlife thing, and a cancer scare or something.

More on the late 20s thing: You know who isn't (outwardly) going through the whole self-doubt, bitterness and confusion? The ones that decided to become doctors or lawyers. The ones who have children and husbands and wives. They aren't asking "what is it all for?". They already know. It's for my wife. My child(ren). People in need. What do I do? I try and help the rich get richer. That's my job. And I don't even get richer.

Back to the anti-establishment attitude: I was thinking about this because I was reading some diaries from the Montreal area. They were almost all from the 16-21 age group, challenging the world and everything in it. Everything is wrong, and I am going outside of the mainstream. People inside the mainstream aren't nearly as alive as I am. I suspect that is their outward, real-life projection. But reading their diaries reveals this pain, and doubt, and general negativity about self that doesn't seem to be in "normal" people (define normal as you wish, I guess). Do people like that think that only they see clearly? (Funny, I am listening to "I Can See Clearly Now" by Holly Cole, my favourite version. It really makes me feel good about everything.)

All I know is that nothing has ever been that obvious to me, and things get more confusing the older I get.

Ever wonder what things would be like if everyone HAD to make an online diary like this?

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