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Wednesday, May. 07, 2003 - 11:30 a.m.
Strangeness

I feel...strange.

Not even close to normal. I wish I could cry, I think. It nearly happened, in fact.

I slept nearly nine hours last night. That's more than I have slept in a single weeknight in the past six months, I think. I wonder if that has anything to do with my mood.

I'm feeling pretty incompetent, even though it isn't entirely my fault what happened at work. Most of it is my fault.

Someone scared the living shit out of me today when I turned a corner and they were suddenly there and said "Boo." Normally I am the one to do the scaring if scaring is to be done. So jumpy today.

I realized today that I can't resist damsels in distress. It's not a terrible weakness at this point, and I could probably recognize a terrible witch if she were disguised as a Dam in Dis, but there it is. I wonder if this means that a woman who has it together holds no interest for me, because I have nothing to do but be an ornament. I don't think that's the case. Ultimately it would be great to not be around someone with overwhelming self-esteem issues, mental illnesses, or other instabilities, but maybe deep down that's what I want because I feel as though I have some purpose in their lives; not to fix everything, but to be there for them while they fix everything. But even then, what happens if they do fix everything?

I'll have to look through my history with women and see what patterns emerge.

Ugh. Well, this entry is for me only, and for no one to really understand.

On an unrelated note, Crystal had some very interesting words to say about girls who try to bridge sexual double standards by being sluts, but end up trying to create another double standard.

0 scrawls at the end of this hall

The look: oddly sad
The feel: confused
The taste: bitter chocolate
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