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Friday, Jul. 12, 2002 - 10:55 a.m.
I think I just wanted to vent

This is an MSN conversation I just had with Deb:

JonasParker says:
deb, I need to re-have a conversation that we had last night.

deb says:
okay...about?

JonasParker says:
The one about why women (you, I suppose) don't make that big first step, like travelling to another city.

deb says:
because it's too much of an emotional risk

JonasParker says:
Doesn't it feel really good to be sent flowers like that?

deb says:
but it appears he's got it bad

JonasParker says:
You mentioned that guys don't usually get serious about something the way women do.

deb says:
for sure, i would have swooned a little...that's pretty romantic

JonasParker says:
How are you to get serious if you don't experiment emotionally? That is, take a chance?

deb says:
well, i was making a generalization, but yeah...i find they're not as willing to invest themselves emotionally right away...which is not necessarily a bad thing

JonasParker says:
Well, a small emotional investment shouldn't be too hard. It could be something as little as returning a phone call, or even an email. Or making that call.

deb says:
i know, i'm a little reluctant cause the last few times i've taken a chance it didn't work out...which is natural i guess

JonasParker says:
The point in the game I am talking about is exactly where Saab is now, although not necessarily having it as bad as he does.

JonasParker says:
Just as a point of reference.

JonasParker says:
What kind of chance?

deb says:
"game"?

JonasParker says:
Yes, game. Or dance, if you prefer.

deb says:
nevermind...it just didn't work, and made things worse

JonasParker says:
Hmmm. Okay, nuff said.

deb says:
are you talking about yourself or saab here?

JonasParker says:
I am not in any kind of situation. I wouldn't feel the need to talk about it in such a roundabout way with you, or most anyone, I think.

deb says:
ok...sorry... i lost you in the translation...i didn't think you'd be so evasive either...

deb says:
well, for his sake...i hope it works out

deb says:
but what exactly did you want to clarify from yesterday's conversation

JonasParker says:
In fact, it appears as though a "situation" isn't going to present itself any time soon, and I won't be seriously looking.

JonasParker says:
I just wanted to recap, and remember the conversation.

deb says:
oh, ok. it could happen anytime anywhere, JP

JonasParker says:
You mentioned something about men having ulterior motives, and I retorted that I have met too many women with ulterior motives. These are women that either I was interested in (I was playing the game) or that friends were dealing with, and I observed. Is that how that part of the convo went down?

JonasParker says:
Yes, it could happen anytime, but I feel so fucking unimpressed and distrustful. I haven't even really been hurt in years.

JonasParker says:
No, there was one that impressed the fuck out of me. And I fucked that up.

deb says:
well, again, i was making a generalization...sure some women have ulterior motives...i think men have very clear motives...if he sends you flowers...he likes you, if he sleeps with you, well, that's the mysterious part...it doesn't often mean what a girl thinks it means

JonasParker says:
But in this day and age, when both men and women do that for kicks more often than not it seems, I can't help but think that sex means little.

JonasParker says:
Then again, I feel that if a woman does sleep with me, then maybe she does like me somehow. In that instance, I have a chance.

deb says:
to men...you porn hounds

JonasParker says:
I understand. But seriously, to men and women. Like I said, people fuck for kicks more than for anything else it seems. Real life. But then, maybe I have met the oddball women.

JonasParker says:
But I don't think so.

deb says:
sometimes i wish it wasn't a game...why can't i just say what i feel straight up??

JonasParker says:
Why do guys freak out? I can't relate to that at all. Guys always say that they like honesty, but I suppose the reality doesn't match what they say. Maybe men really can't handle honesty. That's terrible.

JonasParker says:
Maybe boys should be taught to feel more, and girls should be taught to throw.

deb says:
i think you just hit the nail on the head

JonasParker says:
It isn't fucking fair.

JonasParker says:
I just don't understand!

deb says:
well, thems are the breaks

JonasParker says:
Yes. It appears to be that case. I want flowers, or some sort of token. Anything so that I don't rush blindly into who-knows-what. I am sick of setting myself up to make a fool of myself.

JonasParker says:
But then again, I really have little to complain about. It hasn't really happened very often. I'm tired.

deb says:
i hear ya...

JonasParker says:
Sorry, I shouldn't bug you anymore. I should get back to work.

JonasParker says:
We'll talk later.

deb says:
later...and if not, have a good time in ottawa

JonasParker says:
Thanks.

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