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Wednesday, Mar. 27, 2002 - 10:58 a.m.
Amanda and Joe, Part 3

@ suffered from seasonal affective disorder. It was getting pretty bad, and eventually affected our relationship. I was going to break up with her on January 16, but didn't for some reason. That weekend two of her friends came up from Massachusetts. That Saturday the 18th @ and I, Joe and Tracey, Rachel and Jamie (her friends, Jamie is female) and V and I decided to go to Gert's. V is a friend of @'s I met back in September. We are still friends to this day. That night is an infamous one.

We settled in for some drinks. Tracey decided to leave for some reason. Now Jamie had a tongue ring, and @ suggested that I make out with Jamie for that reason. I had heard that making out with and getting head from girls with tongue rings was rather good. So I did, and it was good. Then @ made out with Rachel, then with Joe, and Rachel with V, and so on and so on. @ took me aside and said that whatever happens tonight does not affect what goes on between us. Eventually it was just the girls making out. We were surrounded by about 10 guys completely freaking out, saying that it was tthe most erotic thing they had ever seen. I truly didn't think it was so good that there should be a crowd around us, but, whatever. I felt cool because I was dating one of them. We picked up two guys and all went back to V's place where we had an actual orgy. The girls were very much into each other, and the new guys were into the girls into each other. While I was 69-ing with Rachel and Jamie was on the couch making out with one of the new guys, Joe was fucking @. I did not like this at all, but I said nothing. I promised not to.

When it was over and we had to go back to my place (@, Rachel and Jamie) I let Joe know that I wasn't happy about what happened and that I wasn't speaking to him anymore, which was just as well because he was going away to England the next day for a month or so. I know that I knew the score, but seeing it in front of my eyes was more than I could handle. Both he and @ knew it, too apparently, yet they did it anyway. Oh well. I knew it was my fault for having these feelings and letting them get the better of me (as I thought it was), so I dealt with them, or suppressed them, I'm not sure. Joe was back in the picture by February, and I still think that I was the one out of line there, not him.

On Monday, January 20, @ sank back into a depression, pushing me away. She was at my place and said something that finally pushed me over the edge. I ended the relationship, even though I really didn't want to.

#1) Never tell someone you love them right after breaking up with them.

But I did still love her. That's why we got back together on the 27th, one week later.

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