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Thursday, Mar. 28, 2002 - 10:27 a.m.
Amanda and Joe, Part 4

As I said, Joe and Amanda would hang out together quite a bit, almost as much as I hung out with Joe. She would sometimes stay over. Often she would tell me that she hates Joe and that he tried to snuggle in bed with her, occasionally pressing an erection up against her, but no more. But of course I was in denial. Joe is my friend, and would not go behind my back to betray me in that way. Amanda is my girlfriend. She loves me and would not go behind my back to betray me in that way. These complaints by @ went on for months and months, and of course Joe would deny, deny. By this time, Tracey and Joe broke up, and she moved out. He had a new roommate, Sean (more on him later). I later heard that she started dating and living with a professor. The couch that @ and I fucked on after Oneonta was hers, and is now in my house.

#2) If it acts, walks, talks like a duck, it probably is.

That March, @ came to me around 11:30 at school on a Tuesday. She had this look on her face. She was pregnant. That was the worst thing ever. She went to Clinique F�mina, near Berri-UQAM for an abortion (a good place, if you or a friend ever need it. Oddly enough, I have been there more than once, but I wasn't responsible for the other one). What a depressing time. I felt sick a lot because I was disgusted with myself, my stupidity and carelessness. She was a mess. The worst thing was, I don't think I was able to do anything for her except hold her. It felt hollow. Even though she was going through a tremendously bad time, I could have used someone in my corner. I guess I should have seen a shrink or something. It never crossed my mind.

The same month, Joe met Donna. 5'4", blonde hair, blue eyes, and strict Greek Orthodox Christian. To the core. Now this was an interesting challenge for him. They ended up dating, and she fell in love with him. But she knew something of what he was like (although nowhere near the full truth) and was incredibly jealous of other women. In particular, @ and Donna did not get along at all, which I though was good for me. @ and Joe would have to spend less time together.

In May, the darkest period of my life starts. I won't go into too detail here, but in essence, despite my better sense telling me that there was something going on that would not like if I knew the truth, I hung in there. I needed these two. I owed Joe $350 for bailing me out of a bad situation in April and @ for doing the same with me in May. I needed his friendship. I needed her love and support. Yes, I do believe that throughout much of the relationship she did love me despite being selfish and thoughtless. I had no job for a couple of months, then I entered a horrible telemarketing job for the next 15. Fifteen. So I had a sketchy girlfriend, a sketchy best friend, a sketchy job and no money. I did do something rather important for @, though. Joe was a research doctor and I got her a summer job at the Shriner's Hospital doing research there. That led her to change her major to biochemistry and to my knowledge, that is what she is doing with her life. She probably has a good job with a well-off guy in his early thirties by now. Probably married, too.

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