Read this disclaimer first!!
Monday, Dec. 16, 2002 - 8:55 a.m.
Alex

Something incredibly sad happened on Friday. Lee's brother died after a rare illness. I only found out late Saturday afternoon while IM-ing with a friend. I had forgotten how quickly tears can appear. My eyes were wet after reading the first sentence. By the end of the post I could barely type.

I wanted to be there, actually. Just to be nearby, lending energy in such an emotionally tiring time. I could heal people emotionally, after the fact. Give benedictions. Peace.

Actually I wanted to do a lot more. I let my imagination run wild. I wanted to teleport there somehow and petition the heavens for Alex's life. There'd be Holy Light flashing around and everything. I would be like a lawyer, negotiating with extra-human forces. I'd offer up Jean Chr�tien and George Bush in exchange for Alex, or something. But I'm not that holy.

This is how naive I am about death: When I heard that Leroy had gone to see him I thought that he had slipped into a coma. I figured it'd be more like a way for him to shut down a little bit, gather strength, and reemerge stronger than ever. I really did. I was extra shocked to hear that he didn't make it. I am that dumb. I'd like to apologize for being so stupid.

Now she says that she is doing remarkably well, and I believe her. The memorial is this weekend. I can picture her smiling and telling great, entertaining stories about Alex in the inimitable LadeeLeroy way, starting with this one. But maybe not this one! That one could be told after the memorial to a select group of people, maybe.

She's pretty lucky, and she knows it. Many people have relatives that they don't want or appreciate. Leroy appreciated every second of Alex's life. Every moment they had was a gift, probably even before they knew he was sick.

I have a sister four years older than me. When she was twelve or thirteen, I tried to give her a hug. I tried. She pushed me off as though I were some street mongrel trying to hump her leg. I have never even wanted to show her any affection since. Leroy is lucky.

Well, Alex, from one who never knew you, judging from your sister's words, I would say that your time here was well spent. You had it better than many non-sick people, and that is quite a feat, indeed.

0 scrawls at the end of this hall

The look:
The feel:
The taste:
________________________