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Monday, Feb. 24, 2003 - 1:01 p.m.
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Heinrich Himmler

This is my first one. I'm proud.

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Monday, Feb. 24, 2003 - 12:02 p.m.
It doesn't really change, does it?

Last Tuesday, I was reminded that yes, there are indeed shitty people out there. If you are ever in Ville St. Laurent, Montreal, don't go here.

It's one of those "I-wish-I-had-thought-of-it-at-the-time" things. Things happen but you are too stunned to react the way you really want to.

I went into Decarie Hot Dog last week, as I sometimes do, and ordered fries. DHD is a really small resto-dive. But it's a good dive. They have the best fries in Ville St. Laurent, I'm told. So I ordered some. There's a Greek guy there in his sixties that is there sometimes. Looks like he was there in the 1960s. When he takes my order, what happens is that he takes my money, bothers some other guy, tells him what I want, then fucks off. The other guy gets me my food and my change.

I work in Corporate Canada, and am used to other companies having their protocols and procedures. Besides, this place is like an institution; who am I to question their practices? I just want some fries, and the service is fast. It only occurred to me then that this is the only guy there that does this, and I have never noticed him doing that with any other customer.

This time, I was close enough to actually hear what was said to the guy he bothered. There was some pointing and gesturing to me, the fries and the cash. His instructions included the words, "They're for that nigger over there. (emphasis mine)"

I am really not used to this sort of thing. I have rarely had to deal directly with such shit. I guess I just live in the right places. So when it does happen, it's a big shock. I actually told myself, "I didn't hear that. That didn't happen. I must have misheard." I looked quizzically at some random people nearby. The looks on their faces confirmed what had happened. Not one, not two, but three other (white) people reacted to the man's words. Three! So I said:

"Excuse me! Hey, what did you say to him? What did you just say to that guy?"

He glared bloody murder at me as if to say, "How dare you question me, you worthless, insolent NIGGER!" I'm probably wrong there. There's no way he would know a word like "insolent".

I looked again at the people sitting there and they seemed to be deep into analysing the contents of their plates.

I was fucking furious. The next day someone told me about the racism in their family, and I accidentally (although indirectly) took my frustrations out on him. He is very ashamed of the racism in his family, and I seemed to bring back some bad memories. You see how racism, etc. is contagious?

So now I have to remember that there will always be people that will see nothing but a black man when they view me, and that "black man" could mean just about anything. It's something I should never have forgotten.

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