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Hi everyone. Everyone? All three of you. Let me rephrase: Hello journal. I've been away for a while, sorry. I haven't been depressed or anything, I just haven't been all that inspired to write anything down here. In fact, I have decided to wait until things get shitty for me to say anything. Well, not all that shitty perhaps. I should find out in a couple of hours. As we speak, I am on hold to Royal Bank trying to explain why I haven't paid them my August student loan payment as yet, and to make arrangements for make it up next month. ... ... ... ... ... Nancy, the operator: Hi, I'm Nancy. What can I do for you today? JonasParker: (thinking, "You can erase this fucking student loan for my useless "higher" education. Yes, I want to return this knowledge.) Yes, I'd like to make arrangements for my August payment. Nancy: Okay, I just need to ask you a few questions for your security. Could I have your: Address? Date of birth? Phone number? Email address? Favourite Simpsons character? Sexual orientation? Best celebrity impersonation? Nancy (cont'd): Great, I'll just put you over to credit management. They're the ones who handle this sort of thing. JonasParker: WTF did you ask me all that information for? Why not just transfer me to them and they can ask me? Nancy: Err uhmm...Th-this is Katarina, she can help you now. Katarina: Hi, how can I help you today. And on it went. But once Katarina knew what I needed, it was done in three seconds. Bell wasn't so simple. Due to high call volumes, the expected wait time for calls is--- Thirteen. Minutes. I don't think so, bucky! _____________________________________________________ Last night I was going to write and talk about how great life was now that I no longer have a dryer that screams loud enough to be heard outside. It was so loud that I was losing my mind. So I fixed it. I went inside and turned it manually for a few turns. Then I started it up again. The noise was gone! I was so proud of myself, and relieved that this annoying screeching sound was gone! Und dann (as they might say in Germany, or in Run, Lola, Run) CLUNK. I leaped from my chair, opened the dryer door, closed it again, started the machine up and heard only a faint humming, but no movement. I opened it again, pressed the power sustainer (the thing was keeps the power running after the door is closed), hit the power and saw no movement, only sound. My dryer is paralyzed. It can still make heat, but it can't toss around the clothes, so it is useless. My broke-ass can't fix it either. ______________________________________________________ On Sunday I tried making bread. My first attempt failed. It didn't have a crust, it had a thich hide. And it tasted bad. Pure crap. It didn't even look like bread. It looked like droppings from a rock golem. Undaunted, I tried again. And it was a perfect loaf. Tasted great. It was my one big triumph for the weekend. ______________________________________________________ Now it's lunchtime. I am eating a sandwidch with this funny-tasting sundried-tomato bread. Nothing is going right these days. I'll try to get back to regularly scheduled programming. 0 scrawls at the end of this hallThe look: The feel: The taste: ________________________ |
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