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The last entry was cool, so if you missed it, click here. Why do people think that when a woman has sex, that she is broken, somehow? No longer "intact". I know the "women's sexuality has been suppressed, madonna-whore, blah-blah-blah" party line stuff, already, but I guess I am looking for something more personal, particularly an admission from men as to why they may have thought these things in the past. When I was young, I didn't believe in "intactness", and I still don't. I had no conclusions about girls who had sex other than, "It must be so easy to get sex if you're a girl. They're pretty lucky. We have to connive, engineer, beg and plead just to get a little feel. Or get them drunk." I still think that's true in a way actually, but more on that later. I definitely respected girls who made that step, because it meant to me that they were independent, and could do what they thought was right for them when they wanted to. Sure, I knew that there were plenty of cases of coercion, bad decision-making, sexual assualt and so on, but the ones who I knew had done it had my respect, and I had every reason to believe that they were empowered young women. Years later when I got my heart broken my by girlfriend and best friend, I realized that she had been using her sexuality as a weapon; it really happens. (I had a million opportunities to clue in to the truth. I am not blameless for my hurt feelings by any stretch of the imagination. I turned a blind eye to what was going on for a few reasons. I may catalogue my state of mind at the time for a better explanation of 1996-1998.) I then realized that sometimes women that have lots of sex should not be trusted emotionally; I should be careful. This seems so elementary when you read it here. People hurt people. Duh. So obvious. But I was pretty optimistic then, and really didn't think that betrayal, lying and so on would happen to me, because I wasn't a "bad guy". The point is that even then, I never thought that she was less worthy of respect because she had sex, or that she was less "intact", whatever that means. I thought that she was a worthless bitch because of WHY she had sex, and what she did with her sexuality. Now that I have experienced more things and more people, I still have a hard time understanding why people place so much stock in things like virginity and "wholesomeness". If I did, I'd be critical of those that ate processed food, or meat, maybe. I'd most definitely be critical of smokers, drinkers and drug users. I already am a little critical of the smokers, but to the point where I wouldn't associate with "unclean tobacco whores" or something like that. What does "staying intact" mean when it comes to women and sex? Maybe it's not a perception thing at all. Maybe it has to do with being emotionally intact. When you tie up huge amounts of emotional currency in a single, simple act such as lovemaking, then I suppose you set yourself for a huge emotional breakdown should the partner (or yourself, or the relationship) not be what you thought they/it would be. Almost a decade ago, I made the conscious choice to not put too much stock in the purity/sanctity of sex. It is too minor a detail when compared to the rest of a person. And you should never out too much faith in one person, lest their failure harm you one way or another. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. It probably is, even though I am not that private and closed a person. As for men having to connive, engineer, beg and plead just to get a little feel, what I mean is that some guys who practiced those tactics in high school and university never got the message in their mid-20s or 30s or 40s that it doesn't, and shouldn't have to be that way. But my concern is for the young guys that think that that is the only way to go, because they seem driven by little more than sex. If I had a daughter, I doubt I would trust any boy with her until she was well into her 20s. (I realize that I am making a fatal assumption here: that young women are motivated by more than just sex, or that they would not try to use sex(uality) to get some kind of power/status/whatever.) It has never been cool for boys/men to be motivated to be with a girl/woman because they like/love her. Never. Very little outside of a loving and respectful marriage between their own parents has ever really shown young men that love and respect, and not just sex, is a worthy goal, at least not while they are young. Because of this, boys sometimes grow up with the wrong idea of women, and what their relationships are with them. This damages them emotionally and mentally, in my opinion. This is why porn should have more women behind the camera, and why it ideally should be limited to those who truly understand that it is basically roleplaying and sex games, and to leave what's on the screen on the screen. But that's for another entry. Apologies for the lack of coherence here. I am not editing this, really, except for the odd typo, but even then, not much. 0 scrawls at the end of this hallThe look: pensive, confused The feel: The taste: ________________________ |
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