Read this disclaimer first!!
Friday, Mar. 21, 2003 - 3:30 p.m.
Le voyage de Christian

This is written by Mariet, a young woman who has just lost her 22-year-old cousin to cancer. I know her through an online forum I got into the habit of frequenting. It's very moving and I am sharing it here, with her permission.

Christian passed away from cancer on March 15th 2003 at 5:45pm. He had battled this disease for over two years now. Last summer, he was in remission, and it wasn't until Thanksgiving that pains in his back reoccured, and the cancer was back full force. 5 months later, he passed away in his sleep.

Christian's mom is my dad's sister, Tante Christine. My other aunt, her sister, Tante Guylaine, had made arrangements long time ago to come up that weekend to help her sister. She arrived Friday, March 14th. It is from her that come the following details.

When she got there, Christian looked horrible. He had a huge scab that replaced his lower lip from the burns of radiation. His mouth was full of sores, and he had bruises (huge bruises) all over his body from the needles. He had lost over 20lbs, and was very skinny. Christian had always taken care of his body, he was a very healthy 22 year old who wouldn't even eat a brownie because it was bad for him. His eye was almost popped out of its socket, it looked like he had gotten beat up. It was swollen shut. There was a tumour growing behind his eye.

What had started in his back, had spread to his head, lungs, kidney and liver. His lungs were filling up with fluid and he had to lay on his side to be able to breathe properly. Tante Christine was drained, both emotionally and physically but whenever someone told her to take a break, she wisely informed them that this would be over soon, and she would be able to recover later, but right now, her son needs her.

He hadn't slept in 48 hours. He was afraid to fall asleep. One of his fears was that he would pass away in his sleep. The doctors were giving him enough morphine to knock out a horse every 3 hours, but it was not affecting Christian. He was agitated, his mind racing, wanting to know every thing that went in his body, ever dosage.

Saturday, his friends had gathered around his bed. Christian became overwhelmed and agitated, and called out p�p�re 3 times. His grandfather (p�p�re) had passed away 4 months earlier to the day. His friends were asked to leave. Christian had closed his eyes and tried to rest. M�lanie, his fianc�e walked in the door, and kissed him on his neck. Without even opening his eyes, he moaned in pleasure. He knew it was her.

Then the doctors gave him a new drug, one that was more powerful than the morphine and declared that this would let him finally rest (it's given every 8 hours, not 3 like the morphine). My Tante Guylaine and Tante Christine looked at each other and said "On va voir" ("We'll see!"). An hour later, Christian had finally fallen asleep. About an hour after he had fallen asleep and not woken up, Tante Christine realized it was time to call the priest to perform the last rites. The priest came, and without Christian waken up, he was given his last rites.

Tante Christine and Tante Guylaine looked at each other and decided to go for supper. They were exhausted, and it would be the perfect time, as Christian was resting. The only ones left in the hospital room was my grand mother, Christian's dad, Oncle R�jean, his sister, Jos�e and M�lanie.

Tante Guylaine and Tante Christine had just sat down at the table when they received the phone call that Christian had passed away. They raced back. Before they could view the body, my grand-mother told them what had happened.

My grand-mother was sitting with Christian, holding his hand (he needed the contact, even if he was sleeping). She noticed that his breathing was slowing down drastically, and looked over at Oncle R�jean and told him to come over to the bed. Christian took two more breaths, and passed away.

When the body was finally ready to be viewed in the hospital room, Tante Guylaine told me that what she saw was amazing. His body was at peace. His eye had gone down from the relief of pressure, and there was this amazing peace about him. She had never encountered anything like this, and she now tells me that she is not afraid of death anymore.

Showings were held Monday from 2-5 pm and 7-10 pm. Tuesday from 9am to about 10:45 am and the funeral mass was held at 11am.

I was there for the showings, every single one of them. And Christian never looked more at peace than he did in his coffin. Wearing a baseball cap backwards (he wore them all the time, must have had about 100 of them), and the engagement necklace given to him from M�lanie, Christian was laid with pictures of his nephews (age 2 and 5) and of his friends and him.

The amount of people that had come to pay their respects was enormous. Christian was a well-loved, well-respected man in Val d'Or, and his death affected many. Numerous friends, and family members gathered in the funeral home. So large were the numbers, that the funeral director had to open the adjoining room. The halls were filled, both rooms were flooded with people. There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

Christian was cremated, it was his last wish. Instead of the traditional card, everyone got a bookmark with a lovely poem on the back, a picture of him and his first car (Honda CRX, he had a passion for cars, absolutely loved them) on the back and a picture of him at his 22nd birthday (September 3rd, 2002), when he was in remission.

He is not yet buried, as the ground in Val d'Or is still frozen, but will be buried this spring.

He will always be remembered as someone who loved life, and lived it to the fullest. Whenever I think back about Christian, I think back to the young fellow who always got into trouble for doing everything and anything. His mind was always racing and thinking about what he could do next. He never wanted to sit still. He was also the type of guy who would give you the shirt off of his back. He was always there for you if you needed him, and will always be there if we need him still.

Although I am emotionally drained, and the pain has subsided slightly, I wouldn't have given up my days away from home for anything. Christian's life has touched many, including mine, and he will always be missed.

When I finally said goodbye, I told him how much I loved him, and that I would see him soon. I knew he was always going to be with me. And I know that he's ok, and that although his life was cut short, it was his journey.

"I believed myself to be in the morning of my life, but God has called me back to him"

Here is the poem that is on the back of the bookmark: (I am going to type it in French, then translate in English)

"J'ai termin� mon voyage... et je connais votre peine.

Parents et amis, pourquoi pleurer mon d�part puisque la mort est la fin de mes souffrances?

Consolez-vous, vous avez �t� autour de moi ici-bas donc je serai autour de vous tous l�-haut.

Je ne vous dit pas adieu mais au revoir."

"I have finished my journey... and I know your pain.

Parents and friends, why cry my departure since death is the end of my suffering?

Console yourselves, you were with me down here therefore I will be around you up there.

I am not saying farewell, but good bye."

Thank you for all your prayers, your support and your cards. They were all very appreciated. I will never forget it.

1 scrawls at the end of this hall

The look: a little more courageous
The feel: too casual for business casual, but fuck it
The taste: Twinings Earl Grey Tea, with too much honey
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