Read this disclaimer first!!
Sunday, Mar. 23, 2003 - 2:35 p.m.
If I were a woman...
Knowing myself now, I'm going to make some guesses as to how I (just me, no one else) would turn out if I were female. If I were a woman I'd: - have grown up very pissed off at the inequalities that prevail between the sexes;
- have called myself a feminist when I was a young teenager, recoiled from the term in the wake of a feminist backlash and especially when learning of the failures of the early and middle (and current) feminist leaders for women of colour;
- have reclaimed the term on a personal level sometime in university, and would currently be keeping feminist issues near the front of my mind;
- be about 5'8", maybe between 125 and 135 pounds; basically somewhere between my other two sisters;
- have very similar friend/romantic relationships in high school in that I wouldn't likely have had a boyfriend in high school, and I would have tried and succeeded to make inroads with the popular crowd, only to find out years later that the effort wasn't exactly worth it. I was too different from them. I should have stuck with the band crowd rather than the jocks (I was bi-groupal then);
- probably be heterosexual, but in university I would have been VERY affectionate with some of my female friends, possibly even developing a crush on a couple of them;
- probably test what I could and could not get away with when it comes to men. I'd see how far they might go to sleep with me. As soon as I got enough confidence and skill to manipulate men, I'd start seeing most of them as beings who want to fuck me (and therefore need to be managed) before I'd see them as people (in university and high school, I'm not sure how far off that is from the truth most of the time.);
- I'd be REALLY attracted to the ones that wouldn't let me get away with bullshit. That's similar (but not exactly) how it is now;
- have been far more arrogant, patronizing and condescending than I have ever been in this (male) life at that point (around age 20);
- later take advantage of being a woman as much as I could; I'd learn to work the system like crazy. I'd try to win respect through manipulation, but then realize that respect wasn't what I was getting at all, just a bad name. This would be either because I wasn't a good enough manipulator, because I didn't have enough of the goods, or because I had too much of the goods;
- by now have thrown away all the bullshit I was carrying around and just live;
- have gone through my 20s with some key friends of both genders; it'd be about half and half. At least one of those male friends would have been a former sex partner;
- have had a pregnancy scare, or probably more than that;
- speak out in favour of porn;
- be a member of Bust Magazine's Girl Wide Web and several other female-oriented sites/rings/etc.;
- call myself JanisParker;
- (no, I'd call myself something like Autumn Moonstar or something);
- have been pretty athletic, for a girl;
- have resented anyone actually saying that to me;
- have started out playing the clarinet or flute rather than the sax or trumpet, but I'd have been fairly good at all of the concert band instruments anyway;
- be in a long string of relationships starting in my mid-20s, but never get dumped until age 28. That would shock and confuse me for months at least;
- still hate fools.
This is like a "101 things about me" list, just a little different.
1 scrawls at the end of this hall
The look: contemplative
The feel: undressed and unkempt; it's Sunday
The taste: I've barely eaten today ________________________
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