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Not many of you have ever chatted online with me (by the way, has the phrase "chat online" become redundant, like you're saying it twice? Discuss.), but for those who have you'll know that I capitalize where appropriate, my spelling is pretty good, and my punctuation is excellent. Some people resent this, particularly teenage boys. Before you go off thinking that I like teenage boys, I'll tell you that I enjoy playing Warcraft III on Battle.net from time to time. 70% of the players are American and Canadian boys between 13 and 18. In other words, they're a bunch of barely literate fuckwads. Chatting to the opponent is something built into the game. I normally don't go into it beyond "Hi.", but occasionally someone from Indiana or something will ask me something like, "y do u use caps?" If I respond I say something like, "I use caps because that's just good grammar, punctuation and so on." "u r gay," they say. They ALWAYS say this. They feel as though I am trying to act better than them, trying to own them through typed words. Oh, yes, then they get into the whole thing about "owning me". In case you aren't aware, to get "owned" means anything from being beaten in a game to being severely beaten in a game. Outside of gaming, it can mean the same things as "ruling" as in, "DUDE! That movie RULES/OWNS!" I don't really that type of talk, and I try to keep it to a minimum. The most I might ever do is type "OMG!" once in a while. I won't do that anymore. I will say things like "awesome" and "cool", and that is because I have been worn down by pop culture. I remember being 10 years old and having a better vocabulary than I do now. I heard teenagers talk on TV and said, "I hope I never speak like that. They sound so foolish." I especially hated overuse of the word "like". But after a while, the desire to fit in and be understood (when I say understood, I mean having people understand the words you're saying, not even any greater meaning behind them, not "the real me", nothing that deep) overwhelmed me. I started swearing. "Blithering idiot" turned into "fucking idiot". "Interesting and inspiring" turned into "like, really cool!" I never used to understand how everything could be the "BEST" until I was around 17. Now I know why we are forced to take so many reading and English courses in high school. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Years ago, I had a crappy telemarketing job in the office tower of a mall. I would often go to the food court and get served like everyone else. Once in a while, purely for kicks, I would wear a shirt and tie, or a suit. Just because I liked dressing up (I wasn't forced to then). You wouldn't believe the difference a suit makes. A disinterested, "Can I help you?" became a spirited, "Hi! What can I do for you, sir?" (emphasis mine). I got big smiles, more meat on my subs and a faster checkout. I'm not kidding. A guy in a suit, even a black guy, carries a lot of sway it seems. About three weeks ago I was with the company SA in the server room when I noticed an empty briefcase. Turns out it had been there for years not seeing any use. It belonged to the VP Operations, who has since bought a new one. So I claimed it, and have been using it ever since. Contents of my briefcase:
These days I look pretty average. I don't look like a hippie, a homeboy, a corporate whore (the tie comes off at 5 pm) or much of anything. I look like a Canadian plebe at the turn of the century. I ride the bus; I'm just like everyone else, except for one diference: I have a briefcase. This confuses people. Older people seem to wonder why someone with average clothing and riding the bus is carrying a briefcase. They actually look at me with a confused look in their faces. First they look at my face, then my appearance and see nothing spectacular. When they see the briefcase, though, their brows furrow in concentration or bewilderment. Something doesn't make sense in this picture. Young people, full of piss and vinegar and fuck-the-world, look at me with open contempt, like I'm some kind of proletarian poser. I've gotten sneers from them, the trenchcoated, the 6-inch heeled spacebooted schoolgirls, the A Clockwork Orange Alexes...them. Because I have a briefcase. Maybe they think I am trying to fit in to inflitrate their culture and report back so that my superiors can make a new product to sell them. It never cases to amaze me what significance a lot, not just a few, people attach to things like suits, briefcases and good punctuation. 2 scrawls at the end of this hallThe look: wary of the demons at work The feel: corporate whore style The taste: fluoride! ________________________ |
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