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I have come to realize that there are certain women that will always get to me and snag my interest somehow. I work in a cubicle in an office. My job doesn't really make anyone happy, or achieve any real purpose, and so it's a little meaningless in that respect. That's fine most of the time, but occasionally when I think about Deb, I am a little ashamed. More on her later. I am 28, single, and while I don't feel any pressure at all internally or externally to get married or into anything long-term, I am getting a bit bored. Sometimes that can get you into trouble, like getting involved with someone you shouldn't be involved with. That might go in a private entry at some point. My life is pretty generic. I work within the system. I, as I've said before, am on the bourgeois slow-track. Someday I'll have a car and a house. A decent TV that I use rather than the crappy one I don't; nice furniture, maybe a little art. Hell, I might even have a wife AND kids; the whole package. We'll both work, and the kids will be in school. I won't see that much of them, and she will be the primary caregiver no matter how much I say, not show, that it should be equal. And I'll always think that there was something else I should have done instead of this. And I'll always wonder about the road not travelled. Theresa Rundberg doesn't fit in a box. She does what she wants and thinks what she thinks. She has a direction and she is going for it. She is strong inside and out. I bet Ruby is the same way. You kinda have to be to be in the circus life. And Deb. I can't help but think that she is on the verge of something big in her life. Here's a woman that believes in anarchy, is well read, and has enough love in her to actually care about everyone. EVERYONE. But she's not some super-nice dogooder. Her intelligence is the kind where she could out-argue you, but may not bother if you aren't smart enough to keep up. Her intelligence may someday creep up on you, and suddenly you'll get what she's saying. She is expressing growing dissatifaction with life in our society. She is meeting with like-minded individuals who know exactly why she doesn't want to be a part of this world anymore. She can see the wrong things in Canada, Britain and the U.S. Pretty much everywhere, actually. She wants to fix things, and bring real justice about. She is most attractive when she is passionate about the things she believes in. I think she will do something this year, I just don't know what. I won't join her in it, but I'll be her fan. Deb doesn't belong in the box that she's in, but I do, I think. I'm a little ashamed of that at times as I said, though I will staunchly defend my box. I admire women who don't really stay in such a box. Krystal is an artist. She studies some kind of art at university. She has an incredible sense of self. She knows what's really important. If she has enemies, then I can say that there must be something wrong with those people, not the other way around. Krystal makes her own way through life, rather than some cookie-cutter bullshit path that you're "supposed" to take. And people like to be around her. I am attracted to those who are what I might become, if I had a clue. If I only had a clue... I sound like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. Maybe a clue isn't what I need. Courage, I suppose. I think it is easier to admit ignorance than lack of courage. The ones who look around and make their own ground. I like women of talent. I like women who have all the answers, even though their answers don't (and necessarily shouldn't) work for me. They will always turn my head. They will always leave me wanting more. And I will never get it together in time to be worthy of them. Well, maybe I will. My self-esteem actually isn't that bad. The truth is, on a day-today basis, it's pretty good. I'm confident, just a little disinterested or confused. It just occurred to me, though: perhaps I should stay away from those who constantly tell me why the world is bad and that people are sheep, or goats, or a cancer. That's the downside of being around very intelligent people sometimes. They often see things the way they are, and that can be a terrible thing to face. But I digress. Deb, Krystal, Ruby...they are so attractive like that. I wonder if they settle much. I'll have to ask. 0 scrawls at the end of this hallThe look: introspective The feel: very...domestic The taste: a little bland ________________________ |
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